Best Purim holiday jokes that will drive you to drink.
Purim is a Jewish festival that has a fun side to it as well. So, at your next Purim fancy-dress-up party, when you need those laughs to come fast, enjoy a giggle with us and these Purim jokes.
Some of the most famous comedians of all times are Jewish; Groucho Marx, Seinfeld, Milton Berle, Jerry Lewis to name but a few. These jokes all have a Jewish theme. They are not intended to insult or poke fun at anyone. Feel free to add a joke in the Comment Box below. All submissions are moderated.
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10 ways to know that you’ve had enough to drink on Purim
10.You hold a volume of the Babylonian Talmud upside down, thinking “Hey, they finally decoded the human genome!”
9.You argue with hamentashen…and lose.
8.You forget to open your eyes and instead grope around for the light switch. You finally find the light switch, flick it off and say “There.”
7.You think that calves’ foot jelly is a dessert.
6.You ask people how many candles they lit last night.
5.You begin speaking Yiddish with a Sephardic accent.
4.You dream that you are asleep.
3.You have a nightmare that you are awake.
2.You combust spontaneously.
1.You think these jokes are funny.
10 reasons we love Purim
1. Making noise in shul is a mitzvah.
2. Levity is not reserved for the Levites.
3. If you’re having a bad hair day, you can always wear a mask
4. Purim is easier to spell than Khanuka, Chanukah, Chanuka, Hanuka
5. You don’t have to change all the pots and dishes.
6. You don’t have to build a sukkah and eat outside in the rain.
7. It’s a mitzvah to get drunk
8. You won’t get hit in the eye by a lulav.
10. You can’t eat hamentaschen on Yom Kippur.
A Jewish knock, knock joke!
Vashti dishes and I’ll give you a hamantaschen!
White House History
The first Jewish President of the United States has been inaugurated, and the first Jewish holiday that follows is Purim. So he calls up his mother to invite her to the White House for Purim.
Their conversation goes something like this:
President: Mom, with Purim being the first holiday after my inauguration, I want to celebrate it with us at the White House.
Mom: Oh, I don’t know. I’ll have to get to the airport and…
President: Mom! I’m the President of the United States! I’ll send a limo for you to take you right to the airport!
Mom: OK, but when I get to the airport, I’ll have to stand on the line to buy a ticket and check my baggage. Oh, it will be so difficult for me.
President: Mom, don’t worry about standing on lines or any of that. I’m the most powerful person in the world. I’m the President. I’ll send Air Force One for you!!
Mom: Well, OK. But when I get to Washington, I’ll have to find a cab and…
President: Momma, please! I’ll have a helicopter waiting for you. It will bring right to the White House lawn!!!
Mom: Well, yeah. But where will I stay? Can I get a hotel room…
President: Momma, we have this whole big White House!!!! There will be plenty of room!!!! Please join us for Purim?
Mom: Ok, I’ll be there.
Two seconds later, she calls her friend:
Mom: Hello, Sadie?!! Guess what? I’m spending Purim at my son’s house!!
Sadie: Oh, the doctor?
Mom: No, the other one.