Monday, 21 September 2020
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Best Pesach jokes that will crack you up!

This Pesach, in the hard dark days of the Coronavirus, we all need something to brighten our days.  Here are some cute jokes, funnies and one-liners to keep the mood of a joyful Seder night.

jewish jokes full size

The four questions

Q: Why do we have a Haggadah at Passover?

A: So we can Seder right words.


Q: What do you call someone who derives pleasure from the bread of affliction?

A: A matzochist.


Q. What kind of cheese can you eat on Pesach?

A. Matza-rella


Q. Who was the best business woman in the bile?

A. Pharaoh's daughter, she pulled a profit out of the water.


It seems a group of leading medical people have published data that indicates that Seder participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It is indicated that this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.


Top 10 Reasons to Celebrate Passover

1. Save money by using last year’s Matzah (it won’t taste any different and you haven’t thought of eating it since then)

2. You can put your elbows on the table

3. Maror is a better remedy for sinuses than any prescription medication.

4. Four cups of wine (and if Elijah doesn’t show up, there’s a 5th!!)

5. The extra cash from selling your Chometz will come in handy.

6. The required cleaning of the refrigerator gives you a reason to throw out that old milk container.

7. You actually eat the parsley.

8. A good reason to use your wooden spoon, candle, and feather collection.

9. Think of all the toilet paper you save by eating Matzah for a week.

10. To remember that it was actually Charlton Heston who led us out of Egypt.


An exhausted Mrs. Cohen to her best friend: You know Zelda, I've been working so hard doing all the preparations for Pesach, do you want to join me now and we'll have our 4 glasses of wine earlier than usual?


Below the Belt Jokes

I would love to wonder in your wilderness for 40 years.


If I raise my staff will it only part the sea?


You must not be kosher for Passover because you're making my matza rise.


Which commandment do you want to break?


Why is this night different than all other nights? I'll show you why...


Don't worry I won't pass-over you.


After getting lost for 40 years I've think I've finally found what I was looking for


Can I dip my maror in your charoset.