Are you thinking about divorce? Adv. Jay Hait – Israel divorce specialist – advises…
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What are some of the NON LEGAL issues that people should be considering when they are thinking about divorce?
When people are thinking about divorce, a lot of times the first thing that they think about is just how they can get away from their spouse. Not to see them every day. I say this because one of the first things that almost everybody asks me when they come to my office regarding divorce is (for women) “When can I get him out of the house” or (for men) “Can I just rent an apartment somewhere and leave?” I am not going to address the answers to those questions in that article because it can be complex (but feel free to call me about your personal situation if you want – at 077-200-8161), but would like to look at what happens at other stages during the course of the divorce and/or preparation for and/or evaluation of whether or not divorce is the answer.
At some point, everybody comes to the realization that:
1. The divorce is not just about getting away from the spouse, and that as a consequence thereof,
2. Each side’s financial situation is about to change, and
3. When there are minor children (or adult children living at home) the relationship with the children (at least on a time and hopefully not on a quality basis) will change.
When the realization that they will have to deal with these issues hits people, different people react differently. Much of this has to do with the way that their family has worked up until now.
One example that I see a lot is that the spouse who hasn’t been dealing with finances has no clue – no clue with regards to how much money is being spent and on what, no clue with regards to what assets are owned and in whose name, and most importantly and scary for them – no clue as to how they are going to be able to survive financially after the divorce. To be fair, on the other hand I often see that the person who has been managing the finances goes into a state of fear and apprehension – they do the numbers and tell me “there is no way that I will be able to survive financially after divorce. By the way – on this issue – I have read some very interesting articles that speak about a high number of couple in Israel that stay together simply because they believe that financially they will not be able to survive if they get divorced.
Another example occurs regarding relationships with children. I cannot tell you how many fathers have an acute fear of their children being disconnected from them or of “losing” their relationship with their minor children after getting divorced. Now – it may be true that there are women who utilize their children as a tool to “abuse” their husbands or soon to be ex-husbands and initiate a disconnect between them and their children (this is called parental alienation syndrome or PAS), just like it is true that there are men who financially abuse their wives or soon to be ex-wives including but not exclusively via blackmail tactics for granting them the get – the Jewish writ of divorce. This is all due to the crappy system we have in Israel for family law – which in my opinion is inherently flawed.
All that being said however 1. The vast majority of spouses or soon to be ex-spouses don’t engage in such behavior, and 2. All of these issues are legitimate subjects which must be addressed at some point – and sooner rather than later.
So – how should you be addressing these issues if you are thinking about divorce? The first way is to consult seasoned professionals. Therapists or counselors to help you deal with pressure and fears, and to help you with strategies for maintaining and improving your relationships, and accountants or financial planners to help you to build a financial plan.
In point of fact, after having seen one of my clients getting a large lump sum of money from the division of assets from her divorce and then “burning” through it in the course of three years – in my office I offer people the ability of taking a package whereby they get a life coach for 16 to 32 meetings during the course of and/or after the divorce, and a premier financial planner who builds a plan with them from the ground up (usually in 6-8 meetings) to figure out how they are going to not only survive but to thrive financially.
In any case, if you have any questions about, or thinking about divorce, in Israel, please feel free to call my office (Tel: 077 200 8161) and to tell them that you are coming from Anglo List.