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Your Favorite Israel & Jewish Jokes
Hebrew: בדיחות
Hey friends, take a few minutes out of your busy day to have a chuckle. Share a joke with us or just enjoy these. Short jokes or one-liner's are appreciated.
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A: Blue cheese.
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Q. Which hotel serves the best cheese?
A: The Stilton
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Q: Why does cheese look sane?
A: Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Q. What does a cheese say on Shavuot?
A: Have E dam good day!
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Q. What type of cheese is made backwards?
A. EDAM.
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After Shavuot we all need to go diet. Why? To cheddar a few pounds.
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Share your jokes with us too and enjoy the holiday!
Q: How many Google employees does it take to light a bonfire?
A: Five. One to the light the match and 4 to design the home-page graphics
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Q. What do you call the a baby potato on Lag Ba'Omer
A: Small fry.
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Just in time for Lag Ba'Omer, Intel Israel announces its greatest invention to date. Hailed as the fastest and best microprocessor of all times - the potato chip.
Q. What did the one flag say to the other?
A. Nothing, it just waved
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Q. What is the name of the dance we do on Yom Ha'Atzmaut?
A. The Indepen-dance
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Q. Who is widely recognized as the best mathematician in the Old Testament?
A. Moses, he wrote the Book of Numbers.
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Q. How did G-d help Moses with his migraines?
A. He gave him two tablets
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On an invitation to a Yom Ha"Atzmaut celebration at the Prime Minister's residence:
You are cordially invited to join us at our annual Bi-Bi.Q...
Chag Sameach!
1. Save money by using last year’s Matzah (it won’t taste any different and you haven’t thought of eating it since then)
2. You can put your elbows on the table
3. Maror is a better remedy for sinuses than any prescription medication.
4. Four cups of wine (and if Elijah doesn’t show up, there’s a 5th!!)
5. The extra cash from selling your Chometz will come in handy.
6. The required cleaning of the refrigerator gives you a reason to throw out that old milk container.
7. You actually eat the parsley.
8. A good reason to use your wooden spoon, candle, and feather collection.
9. Think of all the toilet paper you save by eating Matzah for a week.
10. To remember that it was actually Charlton Heston who led us out of Egypt.
G-d first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment. "What's a commandment?" they asked. "Well, it's like, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY," replied G-d. The Egyptians thought about it and then said, "No way, that would ruin our weekends."
So then G-d went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment. They also asked, "What's a commandment?" "Well," said G-d, "It's like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL." The Assyrians immediately replied, "No way. That would ruin our economy."
So finally G-d went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment. They asked, "How much?" G-d said, "They're free."
The Jews said, "Great! We'll take TEN!"
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